The Love In Me

I have been single for over eleven years and I have tried to find love but failed all the time and I kind of give up now. It feels like nobody will ever actually want me or like me and I really do call it a day and forget about love.

Inside Of Me

Inside of me is a lovely, caring person who longs to care for someone and share his life with someone. Somebody who would never cheat, who would do his best for love, who would be loyal to the cause, who would do all to keep a relationship together and make it work. Inside me is a man who has a good heart who is one of the nicest people you could ever meet. Inside of me is sweetness and a beauty that not many men could say they have. I have feelings and I don’t lock them up just because I am a man like other guys do. I am me and me is such a wonderful person.

Wasted Time

I wasted so much time on a women I should never have ever got with. I was depressed and had massive mental health problems and I got with her which gave me a short lived lift in mood but was certainly one of the worst decisions in my life. I even got engaged to her, because it gave me a lift and improved my mood for a little while. When I was in a relationship with her though I was always unhappy and depressed and she just made me worse. After splitting up with her, I got back with her because it improved my mood again and yet after a bit been with her was so depressing and eventually I realised that been in a relationship with her was worse and I was more unhappy with her than without her. Splitting up with her over eleven years ago improved my mood overall and yet I was still depressed and down and yet stupid me stayed living with her as a friend thinking it would work and be okay. However all she was doing was wasting my money, keeping me depressed and down and was so toxic for me. When I was in that position I was just surviving and didn’t realise that it was all her that was causing my depression and anxiety. She was the factor that wasted my life and my time. I only realised when I left her that it was all her as my mood lifted and my depression and anxiety left me. Wasted time, time I should have spent finding someone else or at least getting my life in order.

The World Has Changed

One thing I have noticed is that the world has changed over the last eleven years and there are very few gentlemen any more. The classic, for me normal behavior where I would say open the door for a lady has gone and very few people do that now and when I do that women are surprised as I guess that is not the kind of treatment they would normally get, I have had this too many times to count. I see it where people are just rude, incondiderate, selfish and have no manners anymore. People have turned into loveless fools who only live life by thinking about money, security, greed and self centered behavior. Women want the rich man, the heartless man who will spend the money on them, who wont show feelings, who will spend, spend and spend just to keep the women happy. It’s a shame women can be bought these days. Love and romance appears gone forever. People think buying your partner things is romantic when its not its just spending money and anyone can do that, that is buying a women – This is not romance! A walk in the countriside holding hands with the sunsetting – that is romance or taking your love to the place you had your first date and things like that.

I tried been romantic when I wrote love poems and sang love songs for someone but that was not enough to win her heart. Nobody has ever got that from me before, that was pure romantic stuff and nobody can say I am not romantic.

The Lack Of Connections

My big issue is because of my autism and my lack of social skills it makes finding anyone difficult. I tried Facebook dating but that gave me nobody as I don’t know many people at all. I have tried other sites in the past but you have to pay a lot of money to get anywhere. Becasue I am not very good with the social side of life that isolates me and I fail to get to know people. I have no friends and no way to get in touch with people. My last proper relationships were with people who found me at work and came after me. Anyone I have ever tried to get to know have always been either married or in a relationship. I have litrally never been succeful in getting with anyone who I have chose myself, its always been a case women coming after me.

What Is The Point

I mean what is the point in me trying to find love after failing after all these years. I mean I have spent so long single that I am no longer sure I even want to have a relationship again. I would only have one again if it was with someone really really amazing and special, someone with a good heart who would appriciae me for me and not just be after my money. After having such a bad reaction to my last relationship and it litrally making me ill I really do not want to be in a position like that again. If I were to risk another relationship I would have to make sure 100% that it is what I would want. But like I am actually going to find anyone anyway, its statistically not going to happen if It has not happened after all these years. So all in all the love in me will be wasted love and nobody will get that real love from me, nobody will get me.