The Unknown Part Of My Life

Entering this older age is a little scary.  I say older age but according to the general answers I find on Google it is middle aged.  Whatever it is, been nearly 49 is all I know is that it means that I am heading towards my 50's.

Big Questions

I have asked myself some personal big questions and  I do not have the answers.  I mean take gaming, I have all my life been a gamer and now I am getting older I question if I will able to play games the rest of my life.  At what age does gaming become too much for someone? I never thought that perhaps one day I won't be able to play games.  Then I wondered about sex and when does, well when does it become impossible solo or with someone? I mean when does my thingy die!!! Arghhh lol 😂 I know my eyes have started upsetting me and now I need reading glasses, but will they deteriorate more and more so I have to wear glasses all the time? Then I wonder if I will be able to keep performing at work as well now that I am older, will I last till retirement?? I know people who work still who are older than me but they are having to take painkillers everyday! Will I start getting pain and more and more health issues?  Then the bit that really scares me! - losing my teeth! It's bad enough having some missing without losing them all, and dentists I do not like at all.  Then I think about my mum who ended up with bowel cancer and I am left thinking that I could end up with that! Then I think about all these years doing Nightshift and how that literally takes years off your life and is very bad for you just like the years I spent stupidly smoking cigarettes - what a bloody dumb arse I was doing that.  Yeah I can't magical get a new job and I am settled where I am but those night shift do me no good health wise but my work is good for my mental health and finances so it does have it's positives.  I wonder when I'll end up so I can't run around fast, when willy knees go bad and fail? All these questions and they really are......

The Unknown

I mean you don't get lessons in getting old and there is no set plan.  Yes you can talk to people, you can look it up online but I am an individual and not everyone is the same.  I know a man who is a lot older than me and he's in really good health.  Getting older doesn't always lead to a lot of problems though but it is an unknown position for me and this unknown position does leave me a little worried.  Yes I am a lot wiser now then when I was younger, not as stupid and wreckless and would say a lot better mentally than I ever was.  I think ago has it's positives too and knowledge and experience is certainly something to cherish and be proud of. 

The Loneliness Is Hard

Been alone for the majority of my life now though is hard and that loneliness can hurt and get you down.  At the same time that freedom is amazing.  My children are older now so I don't need to care for them and I only have myself to look after.  However because I have never been married it kind of feels too late now to get married.  I just never ended up with anyone I truly loved and that part of my life seems gone now.  My nana got married at an old age so perhaps there is still time left for me but I'll certainly not be worrying about it.

Conclusion

Yes I am entering a period of my life which is unknown and there is no set plan for it but I know that I should enjoy my life and not worry too much about it.  Whatever happens does and as long as I take good care of my health and think more positively then there is no reason why my life shouldn't be great!!